did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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