Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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