if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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