I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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