All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You can't just leave with hair like that
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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