i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
nutella sex= disaster
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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