I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I want her autograph on my taint
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Watching her eat just hurts me
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
