sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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