It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
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