i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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