so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
