the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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