I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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