I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
