I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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