Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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