just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
