Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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