Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
