he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
