Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
