I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
i believe in u and ur pee
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
