I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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