Got a toothbrush?
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
