does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
