I faked an abortion last night.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
