I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
