My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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