he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
