I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
