Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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