I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
