Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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