btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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