the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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