In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
