all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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