It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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