just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
