dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Randomize
