You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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