I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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