He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
