There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
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Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
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Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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