Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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