he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
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