Soap is not a condiment
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
