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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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