Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
