She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
