Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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