My friends, they love my intelligence
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
