Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
