I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Text me some of your sweat
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