There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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