I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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