it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
