Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
