The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
