I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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