Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
