well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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