you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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