how can u be prego again
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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